![]() ![]() But This Carpeting Cost Us an Arm & a Leg in 1987!! How many insects do you need to make money from your rental unit? Tenants. “My mommy IS home but I live across the street.” 23. “Hey, I thought you said your mommy was home?” The little girl nods and says yes, so the realtor starts ringing the doorbell.Īfter five minutes with no answer, she turns back to the little girl and asks her: The prize is getting to compete in next month’s sales contest!”Ī young realtor is out door knocking one afternoon and came upon a little girl sitting on a stoop. “Attention everyone, I am happy to announce that this month, we will be having our monthly sales contest and we have a lot of great prizes for everyone who’s working hard.”Ī new realtor in the back pipes up and asks: The Best Prize of AllĪt the weekly sales meeting, a Managing Broker makes an announcement: What kind of building weighs the least? A lighthouse. One story before the offer, another story after the offer. My clients put in an offer on a two-story house. Is this D%#%#%ed here giving you a hard time?” 18. “For the last F$%#%ing time, I want to sell my F$%#%^ng $5 million house!!” “Hello, sir, my name is Carolyn and I’m the managing broker here. So the agent goes into the manager’s office and brings her out. “Listen you, little F%$%ng whippersnapper, I just said I need to sell my F%$%#ng house!! I want to speak to your F#%%#ng manager!” “I’m sorry, sir, I’d love to help you, but we don’t use that kind of language here.” “Listen here, Jeff, I don’t want to hear you yammering, I just want to sell my F%#%#ng house! Got it?!” The CurmudgeonĪn old man walks into a real estate office and approaches the first agent he sees. What do great affordable contractors have in common with UFOs? You always hear stories about them, but no one you know has actually seen one. Why did you quit?” “I just couldn’t stick with it.” “It says here you quit your last job selling duct tape after only three months. Job InterviewĪ new agent walks into a realtor’s office for an interview. Hey, girl, are you a mortgage? Because you’ve got my interest! 15. At least now I’m serving a youthful porpoise.” 14. “You know, I just got fed up with how meaningless it was selling mansions. “Beth, you were the best agent we ever worked with and you had millions! Why did you trade it all to work feeding baby dolphins at SeaWorld?” No one knew where she went and we were all shocked that she would leave such a lucrative career.Ī few years later I went to SeaWorld and who did I see feeding a baby dolphin? Beth! Stunned, I walked up and asked her why she left real estate: She did so well, she owned a Rolls Royce, a Ferrari, and a Bel Air mansion. Awesome alien knockknock jokes code#She dominated the entire Beverly Hills ZIP code and all her clients loved her. Years ago, I worked with an agent named Beth, who was the best realtor in Beverly Hills. We’ve All Thought About Switching Careers Realtor MagazineĪ realtor I know asked me if I read Realtor Magazine. I got worried about climate change when realtors in Iowa started advertising their listings as “potential waterfront property.” 12. It starts working the day they’re born and stops working as soon as they need to pitch a homeowner. A Realtor’s BrainĪ realtor’s brain is a miracle of nature. What’s a realtor’s favorite Christmas song? For Lease Navidad. “Dear Lord, all I ask is that you prove to me that money won’t make me happier by tripling my GCI this year.” 9. The Secret to Real Estate SuccessĪfter reading books by Tom Ferry and Brain Buffini, and going to seven coaching seminars this year, I think I’ve finally discovered the secret to making serious money in the real estate industry-I’m going to become a real estate coach! 8. The Lowest Inventoryĭid you hear about the last remaining unit in the apartment building? It was last but not leased. Real estate agent: “That’s great, I’ll take two!” 6. The Perfect CRMĬRM salesperson: “This CRM will cut your workload in half.” Check out the diamond engagement ring he sold me. I’m getting married to a top-producing realtor tomorrow. When I handed him an exclusive buyer agreement that said “sign here” at the bottom, instead of signing his name he just wrote “Capricorn.” 4. The last buyer I worked with wasn’t that bright. How does a dual agent sleep? Well, first he lies on one side, then he lies on the other. That’s OK though, we have 95 more jokes and puns coming up next! We got you to close your MLS browser tab, right? □ 2. The humor here isn’t for everyone-in fact, some of you might end up MORE confused after watching this. You’ve been exposed to the weird world of Tim and Eric. ![]() If you’ve ever Googled “free real estate” and scratched your head at all the bizarre results, then congratulations. ![]()
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